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Sunday, 17 July 2011

10 things to tell your partner in bed

If sweet sugary things can bring you never ending moments of pleasure, what's the harm in being even more thoughtful and finding out what excites your partner.

Saying certain things that can make your partner feel good and perform better in bed is an easy way to achieving sexual bliss.

However, making your partner feel pampered doesn't mean you go on making sugarcoated remarks about their bedroom performance. Instead focus on things that they would genuinely love to hear from you. Furthermore, these remarks need not be necessarily raunchy but a slight sexual inclination is an added advantage, as it will let your partner perform better each time you get intimate.

Dr. Amita Mishra, a sex and relationship expert states, "Making sexual remarks to your partner gives them a kick that makes them feel indulged and enhances their confidence levels too. But it is very important to know what your partner likes to hear in bed. Moreover, ensure that you say the right thing at the right time, as it will instill a feeling of belonging. Telling your partner that you like his/her moves in bed can add to their sexual prowess."

Things that excite women may look drastically different from what arouses men, but the fact is both counterparts like being praised for their sexual moves. While for men, it's more of appreciation for their sexual performance, for women it's the pampering and sweet compliments that hold the key to pleasure. Remember not to say anything at the spur of the moment or just for the sake of it as it affects your sexual relationship in the long run.

Dr. Avdesh Sharma, a clinical psychiatrist and an expert on sexual relations elucidates, "While in bed, appreciate your partner's non-physical qualities, their physical attributes, things that they have done for you, their sexual actions etc. It's a question of picking out the right things. Do not lie because things said in haste are not appreciated over a period of time as they were not honest opinions."

Here's a lowdown on top 10 things that men and women would love to hear from each other during a bedroom romp...

WHAT WOMEN LOVE TO HEAR IN BED

You are as hot as ever : Women love getting compliments and what better way to flatter her than with suggestive compliments about her body and sex appeal. Calling her hot, super sexy, vivacious will make her feel special. "Women love to be seen as unique and different every time, so instead of comparing her performance with the last time, tell her how amazing she is each time you indulge in a sexual act," suggests Dr. Amita.

I love playing with your body curves : Stop portraying yourself as a wild animal waiting to pounce over your partner; stay calm and let your expressions do the talking. Don't let your woman feel that you want her only during climaxing moments, instead show that you equally enjoy foreplay acts such as playing with her body. Since women don't like clumsy compliments about their bodies, so tread carefully.

Dr. Avdesh warns, "Don't go overboard commenting on a female's private parts as it may make them feel like you see her as a sex object. Compliment her figure, skin, persona and then move on to more specific comments."

Your moaning drives me crazy : Again, a compliment, but this time completely sex oriented. Though most women would shy away from telling you if they had a perfect orgasm, they would certainly love if you tell her how her moaning sounds take you into a tizzy. "Most men like a loud woman in bed, as it lets them know if they're giving you enough pleasure or not. By telling her that you enjoy her moaning, you assure her that she's going in the right direction so as to arouse you for more action," feels Dr. Pushkar Gupta, a sexologist.

You play a perfect seductress : This ought to be a genuine compliment and your lady love will love to hear this. Telling her how perfectly she has mastered the art of seduction will take her to cloud nine. In addition, she would device some newer means to arouse you the next time.

"Pick out portions where a female partner has been unconventional in the sexual act and has done something which you always wanted and tell them about this. Such a phrase would boost her comfort level and give her a feedback that you like her seduction techniques," says Dr. Avdesh.

I enjoy kissing each inch of you : Sounds too simple, but very effective! Let your women know how much you love her body and a gesture of kissing can be the best way out. In fact, women are happier during foreplay as compared to hard core sex moves in bed.

"Women love to be pampered and kissing her is one of the best arousal acts. It's very comforting to hear that you love her entire body and she in turn would be more demanding in her sexual pleasure," states Dr. Amita.

Most of us know about the various things that turn on our partners and the small bloopers that put them off. While enough has been said about how to build the mood for a steamy pleasure session, you probably don't know about things that could spoil the pleasure once you are in the action.

Apart from your annoying bedroom habits, extreme intimate gestures, wrong sexual positions, disliked physical attributes; there are certain unintentional things, which, if said at the wrong time, can act as libido killers. It's evident that while having sex, there are several things on a couple's mind but the issue creeps up when couples let these things come in way of those most cherished moments and thus end up killing the passion.

It is rightly said that sex is the art of love and it must be done in the most enjoyable and most satisfying manner. To enjoy this intimate and private activity, couples shall let go of all their apprehensions, fears and insecurities. But unfortunately, the looming anxieties find their ways into our bedroom lives.

Dr. Suneel Vatsyayan, relationship counselor asserts, "Sex is to be enjoyed in the present and if any partner thinks about impending things from past or future, it would act as disruption. Saying anything outside your bedroom conversations will become a deviation. Your partner might feel offended and unloved. Understand the fact that your partner will not accept anything outside your intimacy, to enter your isolated sexual moments, and hence such intrusion is highly opposed."

Top 10 things that couples must avoid saying in bed:

Are you enjoying?
This is the most common and the worst of all situations that couples come across. Though it's good to be communicative with your partner about things that are enjoyed or disliked in bed but that doesn't mean you start interrupting in between the act thus killing the heating passion.

Sex and relationship expert, Dr. Amita Mishra says, "Asking your partner again and again to evaluate your performance and speak out their pleasure level might just leave them irked and it is a symptom of performance anxiety where you are more concerned about how the act is progressing and less focused on the pleasure quotient. You maybe either too probing whether your partner is enjoying or too anxious whether you're able to give satisfactory amount of pleasure."

Are you through darling?
Again, this is a repetitive mistake that most couples would make in bed. Sex is something you should enjoy not obligate, so treat it like a necessity of life not a duty that has to be fulfilled each time you get intimate. "If you keep interrogating your partner on whether they're 'through' with the act might sound like you're no more interested in the act and waiting for it to get over soon. It also makes your partner feels apprehensive if the sexual act is becoming a burden on you, so try and avoid being too inquisitive rather let your partner also enjoy the act as much as you did," suggests Ranjan Malik, a clinical psychiatrist.

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